Reason #1 – because I‘m the laziest cunt you could ever meet. Actually getting lazy is my personal hobby. Even right now I‘m being lazy as hell; writing this on my phone because getting up from bed and taking laptop consumes too much energy. Even though it‘s ridiculously uncomfortable I will continue writing like that.
Reason #2 – I‘m a professional in terms of spending relatively big amount of money in relatively short time. Which now resulted in me being totally broke.
True story #1: today a homeless looking guy asked me for cigarette while I was smoking in the bus station and even though I always share my cigarettes I had to tell him I don‘t have any. WHICH WAS TRUE. That‘s how broke I am.
True story #2: I went for a job interview and I got the job immediately. Later on as I was walking in the shopping centre I remembered I need new earphones. But I ended up buying a new phone. I thought, you know, what the hell. Gonna earn that money later. Well, after my first day of work I was fired.
*waits for the applause*
Reason #3 – I like to make big and small promises to myself which I think I will reach eventually but I never do because (see the reason #1 above).
Reason #4 – another hobby of mine is procrastinating at every possible situation in life.
Procrastination scenery #1: need to pay bill for the internet? “Meh… gonna do it on the weekend or when I have more time” Ere Lia said, and continued scrolling her Facebook wall.
Two weeks later: “Your internet has been disabled due to unpaid monthly fee”.
Procrastination scenery #2: have some food in your fridge which expiry date already passed? “Maybe it’s still good. I will finish it today”.
Two weeks later: *opens the fridge* That’s weird. I don’t remember buying blue cheese. Oh wait… it‘s just that ham I was supposed to throw away weeks ago.
Procrastination scenery #3: *sees 200 unread emails* “I will sort them out later in the evening”.
Two months later: *opens email, sees 500 new emails, starts crying*. Yeah I know, first world problems right? Everyone has their own struggles though.
Reason #5 – I completely suck at organising my finance. Have only 20 euros for the rest of the week? Let‘s spend half of it on junk food that I don‘t even need! Just saw a very nice expensive pair of shoes that I know I won‘t even wear… Well what the hell, let‘s buy it. So in conclusion, this reason together with reason #2 creates a total disaster in my wallet.
Reason #6 – I always have tons of great (at least for me) ideas which I plan to achieve with greatest enthusiasm but usually I either not do anything at all or dump those ideas into trash bin without finishing them. For instance, about two years ago I decided I want to learn the art of makeup and become a makeup artist. I even bought all kinds of makeup tools for that but after one month my eagerness died. Why? I have no idea. Maybe I was put off by the fact it was getting too mainstream, because lets be real nowadays every third or even second girl is a makeup artist. So I, as a self-respecting hipster, didn‘t wanted to become the part of the mainstream. Don‘t get me wrong, I‘m not saying that trying new things is bad. Especially not when you still have no freaking clue if you want to be an astronaut or a teacher when you‘re already over 20s. But I stick to this attitude: if you do something do it right, or not do it at all. If you decided to be a makeup artist, then do it properly until you really know if it’s for you or not. One attempt to give yourself a makeup doesn‘t really count.
Reason #7 – I like to practise self-pity and make stupid excuses for all these reasons I just listed, let‘s say… once in a while. But that “once in a while” is enough to make me feel entirely satisfied by justifying my loserness. Decided to eat healthy but after 2 days I ate 2 pizzas, huge bag of chips and a whole bar of chocolate washing everything down with a bottle of beer? But I had PMS, so what can I do? Can‘t fight back Mother Nature. Finally determined myself to save money on a trip but went to the mall and came back with hands full of shopping bags? But there was a huge sale, and I was already sick of all those old ripped clothes I own.
Although there are way more reasons why I am a loser I think this will be enough for starters. I made this list not because of self-pity, as it might seem. Self-pity is never good. It just makes you excuse yourself and usually blame other people, environment or basically anything else but you. If you need a decent kick in the butt you have to be self-critical. Accept the fact you are a loser, ascertain the reasons, make conclusions and try to change.
Sayonara lads and maidens